I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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