How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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