Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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