I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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