hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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