I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
