i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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