theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
