i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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