Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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