Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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