i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
