I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
