I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
