Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
