quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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