Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
