If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
