Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
