So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
