Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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