So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
