I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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