i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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