i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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