My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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