They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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