please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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