i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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