All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize