problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
