Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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