Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
