Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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