Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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