2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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