And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
