i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
