She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
