i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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