You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
