4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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