this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
