East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
