Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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