Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
