you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
