super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
