I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
