I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
