hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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