if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
