Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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