Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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