I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pants are for mortals
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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