did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
