Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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