His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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