She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pants are for mortals
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
