im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
