I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
