Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
