i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
