What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
