Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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