I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
