I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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