i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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