I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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